Archive
Relaxing Sunday Lunch at Lee & Tony’s Place (Blessington)
Today the weather was perfect and the company equally so! Jeff, Ethan and I ventured to Lee and Tony’s home in St Kilda for a relaxing Sunday afternoon lunch and for some a swim. Doug & Brett together with the twins (Leah and Daniel), Jason and Ruben (unfortunately Adrian had to work), Lee & Tony together with Xan and Luci. We had a great time and the kids got on great. The highlight for me was seeing Luci and Leah on the bed together chatting and playing together like teenage girls! Cute and a wonderful sight. Ethan didn’t eat (as usual) but we all had a great time. Lee and Tony are always such generous hosts!
Southern Star – "Victorian Couples Recognised" by Andie Noonan
MCV – "Couples Register their Love"
Same-sex couples lined up to register their relationships at the Victorian Registry of Births, Deaths and Marriages on Monday.
The Brumby Government’s new Relationships Register was launched by Deputy Premier and Attorney-General Rob Hulls, who said it provided couples who did not want to marry or who were unable to do so with formal recognition of their committed relationship.
John Edie and his partner, Adam, were among those couples who registered their relationship on Monday.
“It’s wonderful that the state of Victoria is now recognising same-sex relationships, and it was exciting to be among the first couples at this morning’s launch,” Edie told MCV.
“Being a New Zealander, where we’ve had the Civil Union Bill for a number of years, it’s nice to see Australia starting to catch up, and this is an important step. I would encourage all those Victorian couples in committed relationships to show support for the Register, by going in and registering.”
[Link: Original Article]
Melbourne Leader – "Life’s Indian Givers" by Hamish Heard
Gay Dads Australia spokesman Rodney Cruise said gay Melburnians could save about $90,000 by using Indian surrogate mothers.
It is illegal for gay couples to have babies via surrogacy in Australia. But during the past seven years many have flown to the US or Canada where they pay about $120,000.
“Gay couples who previously wouldn’t have been able to have children because California is too expensive can take up the Indian option for basically a quarter of the cost,” Mr Cruise said.
“We’re seeing more and more couples take up the Indian option,” he said.
Mr Cruise said surrogacy cost only $30,000 in India.
Most of the money is paid to the surrogate, a woman who agrees to carry an embryo in her womb for the term of the pregnancy before giving birth and handing over the baby. Mr Cruise said couples could conceive using anonymous donor eggs or eggs donated by a relative or friend.
“Mostly it’s gestational, where the surrogate carries an embryo that has been created outside the womb. The surrogate rarely would use their own egg,” Mr Cruise said.
Until couples cottoned on to Indian surrogacy, only older, better-off couples could afford children.
“Generally people have been mortgaging their homes to fund this, and that’s fine for people who are in that position, but it can be heartbreaking for those without the resources to do so,” Mr Cruise said.
He said the “vast majority” of Australians using overseas surrogates were from Melbourne.
“There’s probably 40 couples that I know that have had children via surrogacy.” He said many gay couples had been inspired by a 2003 documentary called Man Made: Two Men and a Baby, about Tony Wood and Lee Matthews, a Melbourne couple who became one of the first Australia to produce a baby using an overseas surrogate.
“Maybe Melbourne is just a town where people settle down, or it could be the fact that the pioneering couples were from Melbourne and that’s had an effect of inspiring others around them,” Mr Cruise said.
[Link: Original Article ]
Melbourne Leader – "The Money that did Buy Happiness" by Hamish Heard
Nearly two years ago the dream of parenthood became a reality for gay Richmond couple Rodney Cruise and Jeff Chiang.
Taking out a $120,000 mortgage on their home seemed a tiny price to pay for the birth of their son, Ethan Chiang-Cruise, who arrived in January last year.
It all started in 2005.
“Jeff and I had been together for about 5 years and we both desperately wanted to have a child”, Mr Cruise said.
After watching a documentary about one of the first gay Melbourne couples to parent a child using an overseas surrogate mother, the couple engaged a surrogacy agent in California.
The agent soon introduced the pair to Kelly, a woman from a small town in Ohio who agreed to carry an embryo fertilised using a donor egg and sperm from Mr Chiang or Mr Cruise.
“We immediately became very good friends with Kelly and three months after we met she had her first IVF cycle and got pregnant straight away,” Mr Cruise said.
Mr Chiang has an Asian background and the pair, not wanting to fight over who was the biological father, used two egg donors.
One egg was from a Caucasian donor and the other had an Asian background, ensuring the child would be Eurasian regardless of its biological father.
“We haven’t told anyone who the biological father is because that is something for Ethan to find out when he’s older,” Mr Cruise said.
Mr Cruise, 41, is a lawyer and Mr Chiang, 39, works in IT.
“It’s impossible to describe the joy and excitement of seeing Ethan grow from this little baby into a toddler and learning to speak and walk, ” Mr Cruise said.
“All parents have the same feeling. He’s the apple of our eye,” he said.
Mr Cruise said the pair did not see their family structure as unusual.
“Things are changing and we know that Ethan is growing up in an environment that is not special., it’s just one of the varieties that exists.”
Stonnington Leader – "Offshore surrogacy hot topic at Prahran forum" by Kate Bruce-Rosser
GAY men are looking to India to pursue the dream of parenthood, Gay Dads Victoria says.
A surrogacy forum in Prahran tonight will explain how the country is the “new growth region” for gay singles and couples seeking fatherhood through surrogacy.
But the Australian Family Association says surrogacy “flat out denies children basic human rights”.
Gay Dads spokesman Rodney Cruise said gay men had the same desire to be fathers as straight men.
Would-be fathers used to go to the US and Canada, where commercial surrogacy was legal but expensive, he said. Paid surrogacy is banned in Australia.
“The surrogacy industry in India is mature and well-regulated,” Mr Cruise said.
“The lower costs mean the option to create a family has opened up to a much larger number of gay men.”
Surrogacy costs about $120,000 in North America compared with $40,000 in India, he said.
The Australian Family Association opposed surrogacy, AFA researcher Tim Cannon said.
“We understand lots of people want to have children, including gay men, but we believe surrogacy flat out denies children basic human rights,” he said.
Surrogate children were deprived of knowing both biological parents, which could lead to identity crises, he said.
Mr Cruise and his partner, Jeff Chiang, have a 21-month-old son, Ethan, “the best thing I’ve ever done in my whole life”.
“Gay (couples) are capable of providing all the love required to raise children,” Mr Cruise said.
Mr Cannon said the AFA was also concerned about “exploited” Indian women who “rented out” their wombs.
Mr Cruise said this was “unfair” and “patronising”, assuming women in India were less capable than Western women of informed choices.
Indian women were screened to ensure they understood the nature of surrogacy, and only mothers could be surrogates, he said.
About 40 gay couples in Victoria have had surrogate children, and many of them in Stonnington, Mr Cruise said.
Forum inquiries: gaydadsaustralia.com.au
[Link: Original Article ]
Time Out Sydney – "Doting Dads" by Andrew Georgiou
However and whenever the calling to be a dad arises, the fact is that gay men make incredibly loving, nurturing and open-minded parents. In this special report, Andrew Georgiou looks at the different roads to gay fatherhood in Australia.
Click on the images to see full size.
Doting Dads
However and whenever the calling to be a dad arises, the fact is that gay men make incredibly loving, nurturing and open-minded parents. In this special report, Andrew Georgiou looks at the different roads to gay fatherhood in Australia.
Parental instincts. Some men are born with them, for others the desire to be a gay dad kicks in later in life. Gay Dads Australia is a national group of gay men who celebrate the joys of fatherhood through online forums, social gatherings and exchange of resources on their website which has been operating for just over five years.
Rodney Cruise, 42, runs the Gay Dads Australia website which boasts over 400 members between NSW and Victoria. While Cruise and his partner 39-year-old Jeff Chiang have experienced the joys of parenting their 15-month-old son Ethan through a surrogacy arrangement they underwent in the United States, Cruise notes that gay dads across the country have fulfilled their dreams of fatherhood through a variety of scenarios.
“We have dads who have become fathers through known donor arrangements, co-parenting agreements, surrogacy and those with children through previous relationships with women”.
Each situation varies, but the fact remains: a greatly loved child is the ultimate outcome.
Surrogacy
Mostly exercised through surrogacy agencies in the United States, this process is proving to be increasingly popular with gay men in Australia with the desire to be full time dads. Surrogacy sees a gay man or gay male couple firstly choosing an egg donor through a clinic and fertilizing that egg with one of the couple’s sperm. With the assistance of a surrogacy agency, the male couple are introduced to a surrogate whom through IVF, will be implanted with the fertilized egg and carry the baby for the couple to full term. The surrogate is in no way linked to the child, leaving the biological father and his partner as the legal parents to raise the child in Australia.
In 2006 Cruise and Chiang were blessed with their first son Ethan through the assistance of US based Surrogacy agency Growing Generations, which has helped over 500 couples become parents. Their affection and connection with their chosen surrogate developed so strongly during her pregnancy with their son, Rodney and Jeff extended their family network to include Kelly into their now 15 month old son Ethan’s life.
“Even though they are in the US and we live here, Kelly and her family are now a part of ours”, says Jeff.
“Women like her, do this because they genuinely want to help people become parents”. Cruise’s partner Jeff comes from a traditional Taiwanese family which has a long history of basing family on geography rather than biology.
“Jeff’s extended family is made up of people who have descended from his parents village who are often not biologically related. When you think about it these were the first alternative families, and Jeff and I continue that tradition by creating our sense of family as loving and devoted fathers to Ethan” says Cruise.
It’s inspiring to see that a traditional Taiwanese culture can embrace the concept of gay parenting, while negative sensationalism perpetuated in the local media can feed intolerance from with Australia’s wider community. While the costs involved in becoming parents reached the $150,000 mark, Rodney and Jeff’s natural paternal instincts will see them extend their family again when the surrogate for their next child is chosen in May.
“The concept of the traditional family is rather outdated,” says Cruise, “the genetic make up of a family is irrelevant to us. We believe a family is about love.”
Known Donor
The flipside to the surrogacy scenario is the known donor situation where a gay male provides the sperm to single lesbian or a lesbian who is partnered. The basis of this arrangement sees the single or coupled lesbians raise the child with any parental rights or responsibility placed on the biological father. Individual arrangements may be made where the father sees the child throughout his or her upbringing, as either an uncle, family friend or even as dad, though the parental rights are reserved exclusively for the lesbian couple. Known donor cases are usually carried without issue as they have taken on a specific role, which takes a step back from the role and responsibilities of raising the child. 39-year-old Allan from Sydney’s inner West is the very proud known donor to nineteen-month-old Zara.
While Allan spends quality time with Zara and enjoys a close friendship with her lesbian parents, he has maintained the agreement, which sees Zara’s mothers as her full time parents. “I’m very close to the girls and Zara and see them every week. My reward for the gift I have given the girls is seeing the immense joy Zara has brought to everyone’s lives, including grandparents,” says Allan.
“I guess I am seen as a satellite figure or even uncle, and that has worked out incredibly well for all of us. All of our friends have been extremely supportive of the situation.” Last month the NSW Government made its long awaited announcement that it would commit to amending laws to give same-sex parents of children conceived through artificial fertilization the right to officially registered the names of both mothers on a child’s birth certificate.
Co-parenting
Sees the single male or gay male couple act as a co-parent, along side a single or couple lesbian. This arrangement may see a child with two mothers and two fathers, which ultimately provides a double dose of devotion and love for the child. “The biggest issue for gay dads in co-parenting is working out a reasonable arrangement with a lesbian couple and maintaining it,” say Gay Dads Australia’s Rodney Cruise. “Often couples may site down prior to the arrangement and figure out who will see the child and when.”
Many Australian children may have four heterosexual parents through divorce and new marriages, the child of four gay parents often grow up with the extended family from birth. Co-parenting may see the child living with either sets of parents on a full or part time basis based upon a mutal agreement between the male and female couples.
Adoption
Adoption ofr gay singles and couples is legal in the United States, United Kingdom, South Africa, Spain, Sweden and the Netherlands, Australia has failed to catch up to speed. In 2007 a WA couple made Australian history by being the first gay couple granted the right to adopt, however since the landmark ruling no other couples have been allowed to follow suit. Though inter-country adoption between Australian and co-adoption countries such as China exist for heterosexuals, the same rights are not currently extended to gay and lesbian singles or couples wanting to adopt.
Previous relationship
Like countless other gay fathers across Australia, 45-year-old Gregory Duffy, from Sydney’s East has enjoyed the riches of fatherhood through children born out of a previous heterosexual relationship. “I was married, in love and ultimately wanted to start a family and have children of my own,” recalls Duffy.
After the birth of his second daughter, Duffy came to terms with his own sexuality. “I came out to myself toward the end of 1993, and left the marriage when my children Victoria and Georgia were five and two-and-a-half years old. All they really knew was that Dad had left but not for a deeper reason. I did not officially come out to my wife till at least 6 months later.”
“Finally, we began to talk about a whole lot of issues we never touched on before.”
Although Duffy did not come out to his eldest daughter Victoria for another seven years, he recalls his eldest girl struggling with the decision more than his youngest.
“Victoria was quite upset and didn’t fully understand what it was for me to be gay, but after numerous long chats she slowly adjusted and actually felt it was quite cool to have a gay dad!”
Today Greg enjoys a wonderful relationship with Victoria, 19 and Georgina, 16. “Having two beautiful daughters that accept me for who I am and have never judged me for being gay has enriched our relationship. It has been an interesting and emotional journey, but to know I have had their love and support has made the road much easier to travel.”
For more information on Gay Dads Australia and advice on surrogacy go to http://www.gaydadsaustralia.com.
[Link: Original Article]
Sydney Morning Herald – "She’s the girl of their dreams" by Louise Hall, Health Reporter
Meet Qona, the nine-year-old girl at the heart of an extraordinary tale of modern-day parenting.
Her birth mother lives in Sydney with her girlfriend. Her other mother, the woman she calls “mum” – the ex-girlfriend of her birth mother – raised her in New Zealand on her own.
But it’s her gay dad who will soon take responsibility for raising her.
Qona’s remarkable “rainbow” family is one of a growing trend of gay and lesbian people redefining parenthood. “We call ourselves a family,” said Qona’s dad, Mark Harrigan, a hairdresser from Newtown.
Jill Christie, her non-birth mother, agreed: “To her, this is normal – she knows her dad is gay and her mothers are lesbians.
“She knows she wasn’t created through sex – instead we tell her she was born scientifically – and she’s proud of it.”
Qona Venus Harrigan Christie was conceived in Sydney through home insemination using Mr Harrigan’s sperm. Ms Christie said she and Qona’s birth mother, Sarah (not her real name), chose Mr Harrigan because he wanted to play a hands-on role in his child’s life.
“I think if a kid has the chance to know both their mum and dad why deny them that?” she said.
“Otherwise they’ll spend the rest of their lives wondering about that unknown parent.”
Three weeks after Qona’s birth at Royal Prince Alfred Hospital, Ms Christie obtained a parenting order from the Family Court which granted her extensive rights as co-mother.
Qona, a Solomon Islands name meaning peaceful dove, was named after Ms Christie’s mother. Qona was also given Ms Christie’s surname.
Mr Harrigan said his daughter’s birth was the fulfilment of a lifelong dream. After Sarah gave birth, Mr Harrigan was the first person to hold the newborn. A year later – dressed in drag as “Margaret” – he held a sleeping Qona in his arms on top of the lead float in the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras.
“I always knew I was going to be a father – the difficulty lay in how that would happen,” he said.
“Now I can’t believe I produced something so beautiful.”
Qona’s early years were full of change. Mr Harrigan had her every third week from the age of three months till she was 4½ years, when Sarah and Ms Christie moved back to their native New Zealand.
But just a year later the lesbian couple split and Sarah returned to Sydney, leaving Ms Christie to cope as a single mother in Wellington, a conservative town with a small gay community. Suddenly alone, she had to give up her high-powered career in health administration.
“It’s cost me a lot – my career, my relationships and financially,” Ms Christie said.
Now 55, she has decided Mr Harrigan, 39, is more able to guide Qona through her adolescent years.
As a sperm donor, Mr Harrigan has no legal rights involving major decision-making about Qona’s education, living arrangements or health. He has no liabilities either, such as child-support payments.
Last month the three parents held their first “parenting conference” and decided Qona will move back to Sydney. Ms Christie may also move in with dad and daughter, and even Sarah may play more of a role.
“With so many divorces and re-marriages it’s not that extraordinary to have three parents anyway and our sexuality has nothing to do with our parenting,” Mr Harrigan said.
Despite the unconventional nature of her upbringing, Qona, Ms Christie and Mr Harrigan said, is a stoic, self-assured little girl who is proud of her mums and dad.
“When I visit she drags me round the playground telling everyone I’m her dad,” Mr Harrigan said.
A 2006 US study found that the adolescent offspring of same-sex parents did not differ from the children of heterosexual parents in self-esteem, peer relationships, school adjustment, drug use or sexual experience. In fact, teenagers of same-sex parents coped better with prejudice and bullying.
The other important adult in Qona’s life is Mr Harrigan’s partner, John Cobban.
Mr Cobban said in the past he’s refused requests to be a sperm donor, believing a child “should have a male and female input into its life”.
Being part of Mr Harrigan’s world has changed his view.
“Meeting this unique family has opened my eyes and changed my thoughts on gay parenting,” he said.
Rodney Cruise, from Gay Dads Australia, said while lesbians had been raising children for decades, gay men actively seeking fatherhood was a relatively new trend. He said gay men usually teamed up with a lesbian couple, single lesbian or single heterosexual woman. Increasingly, though, they are using a surrogate in overseas countries and raising the child with their same-sex partner.
“Gay and lesbian people will have children and you can’t stop them,” he said. “What makes a family is love and that’s what people care about – that the kids are loved, happy and well looked after.”
Mr Cruise and his partner, Jeff Chaing-Cruise, have a son Ethan, 15 months, who was born by surrogacy in the US.
He also has a child to a lesbian couple but he doesn’t have a daily role in her upbringing. He said there is growing acceptance of same-sex couples in the wider community.
Qona is an outgoing, sporty child who has represented her school in athletics, swimming and cross-country. Ms Christie said she was hitting the age where “sex is on the agenda” and her parents would continue to be open about their sexuality.
Research shows children raised by same-sex parents are no more likely to identify as gay or lesbian in adulthood than children raised by heterosexual parents.
Ms Christie believes Qona will probably experiment with boys and girls as she grows up, but “she has a much chance as being gay as any other child”.
[Link: SMH Article]
[Link: The Age Article]
[Link: Brisbane Times]
National Geographic – "Swimming Against the Tide"
“Swimming Against The Tide is a series of stories about Australians who have chosen to live their lives their way. Told in their own words this programme is an invitation into the lives of people who, while they fit into the society around them, are doing something a little different to the rest of us. Meet a gay couple (Rodney Cruise & Jeff Chiang) who have adopted a baby son and are loving their new found fatherhood in Melbourne”.
Notebook Magazine – "Devoted Dads"
January Edition of “Notebook” Magazine featuring an article entitled “Devoted Dads” with Rodney, Jeff and Ethan Chiang-Cruise.
Rodney, Jeff and Ethan, 11 months
Attorney Rodney Cruise and his partner, Jeff Chiang, want the same things for their baby son, Ethan, as most parents. “Love, understanding, acceptance; that’s what we will give Ethan, ” says Rodney. “We want our son to grow up knowing he is loved unconditionally – and we’ll support him to become a happy, successful, well-balanced person, gay or straight, with his own family one day if he chooses”.
Rodney says his mother loved and supported him through his difficult early teenage years when he first realised he was gay. Similarly, he wants to be there for his son whatever needs may arise. “From about the age of 17, I knew I wanted to be a parent some day and I knew that being gay was going to make it more difficult. But I had a lot of things I wanted and needed to do first. Then, when I met Jeff in late 2000, one of the first things we talked about was having children. It was so exciting to meet a man who shared the same aspiration”.
Over the next five years, Rodney and Jeff considered all sorts of parenting possibilities, including co-parenting with a lesbian couple, adoption, fostering and surrogacy. Adoption is not legally possible for gay couples in Australia, unlike many Western countries. The couple felt fostering was too temporary, and co-parenting wasn’t ideal because Rodney and Jeff wanted to be full-time parents. After watching a documentary about a gay couple from Melbourne who achieved parenthood through surrogacy in the United States, Rodney and Jeff realised they had found a way.
“We registered with a surrogacy agency in the US and started saving madly for what was ahead”. The agency found them a “gestational surrogate”: a woman who is prepared to undergo IVF treatment using a fertilised donor egg and carry the pregnancy to full term. “The egg was from a donor and the sperm was from both of us. Then we waited to see if any eggs fertilised”, recalls Rodney.
Rodney and Jeff’s dream to have a child then moved forward progressively and effortlessly, as if it was meant to be. In January 2006, the pair flew to California to meet Kelly, a 29 year old mother of two from Ohio, who had agreed to act as a surrogate. The Australian couple bonded easily with the warm down to earth Kelly and her husband, Mike, and were only too happy to return to California a few months later for the first IVF treatment. Two weeks later, Rodney and Jeff’s phone range at three o’clock in the morning. “We go the news that we were pregnant, ” says Rodney, beaming with delight at the recollection. “We were so lucky to be successful on our very first go.”
Nine months later, Rodney and Jeff checked into the local maternity hospital in Ohio with Kelly and her husband to await the birth of what they knew by then, would be a son. Everyone was ragged after Kelly’s 13 hour labour, but when Ethan finally arrived everyone hugged each other with joy, including the hospital staff. “The Ohio medical team were incredibly supportive; we were so desperately excited to have a baby, says Rodney.
Today, Rodney is back at work full-time and still finds himself constantly thinking about his son in between legal work. Jeff works part-time and both dads feed, bath, change nappies, and get up in the middle of the night when required. “We both want to be involved; we both want to be the best parents we can be. Ethan doesn’t have a mum – he has two dads, but most of all he has two parents,” says Rodney. Ethan also has an ‘auntie’ in Ohio, of course, who has become a firm family friend.
Rodney and Jeff don’t foresee Ethan having a tricky childhood because of the unusual circumstances surrounding his birth. “The issues that make our lives more difficult are not social,” explains Rodney. “What is most frustrating is the institutionalised discrimination that occurs as a result of Australian law. This country simply does not recognise Ethan, Jeff and I as a ‘family’ in the normal way”. The couple have recently applied for a Parental Responsibility Order from the Family Court, which will grant them the right to make major decisions about the care of their child. It is not exactly the same as parental status, but it does prescribe who is responsible for Ethan, and most importantly, it grants equal rights to a non-biological father who is part of a gay couple.
“If Ethan is admitted to hospital, for example, and needs urgent treatment, we wouldn’t be able to make critical decisions about our son’s wellbeing as a result [without a Parental Responsibility Order]. There are thousands of same-sex parent families in Australia who suffer this discrimination and in all cases, it’s the children who suffer. But who knows? Perhaps Jeff, Ethan and I can lobby for things to change,” says Rodney.
For the time being, Rodney and Jeff enjoy being a family , and like most proud parents, they’re wide-eyed with pride and love as they watch their smiling boy learn to cuddle, communicate and crawl. “We won’t hide anything from Ethan, “says Rodney as he, Jeff and Ethan snuggle together on the living-room sofa for a group hug. “We will always tell him everything he wants to know”.
[Link: Original Article]
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Chiang-Cruise Family 